Leaving an abusive relationship can be challenging especially if an abusive partner continues to stalk, harass, or threaten a survivor. Many WIT clients find that creating a clean break is not possible on their own—and therefore enlist the legal system to get a Protection from Abuse order (PFA), but the system is complicated and often disempowering.
Filing for a PFA
Survivors have to file with Philadelphia’s Family Court, ideally close to the date of the most recent threatening incident, otherwise the court may suggest the survivor did not really feel in danger (“what took you so long?”). A PFA is unlikely to be granted without the existence or threat of physical abuse; other forms of harassment and abuse are taken less seriously.
The process to file is very time consuming and requires survivors to repeat themselves and their story many times to various court staff and a judge, who decides whether to grant a temporary order and assign a court date. On that date, the survivor and their abuser each have the opportunity to present their side and the judge can determine whether to make the PFA permanent and how long it should last (the full length of time is 3 years).
A survivor may ask for certain stipulations to be included on the PFA such as no contact, including children, or eviction of the abusive partner from their shared residence. Judges may grant certain aspects of the PFA and not others. Once it goes to trial, judges may also dismiss the temporary PFA order if they do not believe it’s justified. This can leave the survivor in an even more vulnerable position of having “stirred the pot” and not getting the protection they need. Many abusive partners make threats of violent consequences should their partner ever try to involve law enforcement or the courts, and these threats often echo in the minds of our clients while they decide whether or not to take that chance.
There is also the common difficulty of getting the PFA served (delivered) to the abusive partner. Options include serving the PFA to the abusive partner yourself (likely dangerous), or taking the order to the police district where it is to be served. Response and level of professionalism can vary by police district. It is also common for an abusive partner to suddenly become elusive and unavailable—refusing to open the door or pretending not to be home. The PFA is not fully in effect until someone can verify that the abusive partner has been served.
Once an abusive partner has been served, it is common for their family and friends to threaten or intimidate a survivor in an attempt to get them to not come to court. If a survivor has hidden their new address, there can be added anxiety about the court hearing--a time their abuser knows where to find them. WIT counselors do special safety planning around the fear and trauma of having to see an abusive partner in person again, being questioned by the judge on details of traumatic events, and getting to and from the hearing safely. Additionally, if the abusive partner has hired a lawyer, survivors’ character and experiences are scrutinized. The questioning is often very similar to the gaslighting during the abusive relationship, and the process can feel very triggering. Survivors often cannot afford their own legal counsel, and the low-income options in the city are limited. WIT staff cannot provide representation, but our counselors do court accompaniment, providing a supportive presence and helping clients understand the process.
PFA Violations
Although being granted a permanent PFA is a small victory for our clients, it is unfortunately not always effective protection. Abusive partners can be very conniving in finding ways to stalk and harass survivors from phone numbers and accounts that are not traced to their identity. It is very common to hear, “I keep getting harassing messages from random numbers, I know it’s them, I just can’t prove it.”
Even in cases of obvious violations with tangible proof, a violation does not always result in an arrest. Survivors must be diligent in documenting all violations and reporting all violations in order to show a pattern of contempt.
If the PFA is violated and the order is enforced, the arrest of the abusive partner and possibility of jail time can also emotionally weigh on our clients. Incarceration is rarely rehabilitative and is always traumatizing, our clients know this. It is a heavy burden to balance want for justice, repercussions and safety while subjecting someone to the realities of prison.
How you can support someone filing for a PFA
If you have a loved one who is interested in filing for a PFA, help them learn what to expect by getting in touch with our LifeLine at 215-751-1111. If you can, support them by accompanying them to file for the PFA, or offering to watch their children while they file. You can also accompany them at the court hearing. Remind them you know their story and believe it, even if the system is not always supportive. Help them consider their options and consider other creative ways you could support them: could their family use a cooked meal right now? Could you take the kids to the park so they have some time to themself? Can you commit to giving them a ride to the courthouse? Your support could be critical to a survivor during a very vulnerable time.