by Maggie Szeder, Manager of Prevention, Education & Outreach
1. Believe survivors! If someone is sharing their experience with you, listen without judgment, believe them, and offer support and empathy.
2. Be mindful of the language you’re using. There is a lot of stigma and shame around being in an abusive relationship. Why questions like “Why did you let them do this?” or “Why don’t you leave?” hold a lot of judgment and can fuel the shame and embarrassment the survivor may already be feeling.
3. Be ok with not fully understanding everything going on. There are many reasons people may find themselves in abusive relationships. It’s important to acknowledge that you might not fully understand why that person is making the choices that they are making and there is a lot happening within the relationship that you are not seeing.
4. It’s NEVER as simple as just walking out the door. Leaving is not simple, it does not end the abuse, and is the most dangerous time for a survivor.
5. Think outside the box. Support doesn’t have to be just listening. It could be picking up the kids from school so they can make a counseling appointment, letting them use your computer to create a new bank account, or taking them out to lunch and talking about anything else. Asking “How can I help?” is a great place to start.
6. A survivor CANNOT be held accountable for their partner’s behavior.
7. Survivors know their situation best and must be able to make their own decisions. Abusive relationships are built on power and control. If a person comes in to “save” a survivor by dictating what decisions they “have” to make, that’s not helping the survivor reclaim their life.
8. Acknowledge your limitations. Supporting a survivor can be tough, so make sure you’re taking care of yourself and setting healthy boundaries along the way.
9. It’s ok if you’re not sure what to do! That’s what DV advocates are for! You can speak to a DV advocate on WIT’s Lifeline at 215-751-1111, or on Philly’s DV Hotline (24/7) at 1-866-723-3014.
Want more resources? WIT’s got you covered.
Call our Lifeline at 215-751-1111 (Mon-Fri, 10am-4pm), to talk directly with an advocate who can support you and suggest additional resources.
Request a Supporting Survivors workshop for your community group or organization.
Check out our Youtube video (also below) that goes into more detail about the Do’s and Don’ts of Talking with Survivors.